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For episode 26, see "Faceless Old Woman".
Did you know there's a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home? It's true. She's there now. She's always there, just out of your sight. Always just out of your sight.
— Cecil



The Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home. Who doesn't know about the Faceless Old Woman who lives in all of our homes? She was first mentioned in an advertisement for gulping.[1]

She does "lots of things," including Bing searching for "pictures of dead wolves" and "the melting point of birds" and notating your copy of Infinite Jest. She came to public attention when she issued a statement revealing that she was confused by the way you organize your fridge, had changed your sheets, and wanted your wifi password. At first, the Vague, Yet Menacing, Government Agency seemed upset that she had alerted you and the media to her presence, and their agents surrounded your home. However, perhaps in response to the Faceless Old Woman's second statement, they soon retreated and did not use deadly force, regardless of how dead you might feel inside. The Faceless Old Woman apologized for the trouble. Also, she set your fridge on fire. It was upsetting her.[2]

The Faceless Old Woman once told a story about a young woman with a face who tried to change her own life, and soon there became less and less of her every day until she died. (It turned out she wasn't talking about herself, but about someone she secretly lived in the home of.)[3]

Life Before Night Vale[]

(This Section Is In Need Of Revision)

Little is known about the origins of the Faceless Old Woman, but in "The April Monologues", she says:

"I haven’t begged since I was a child aboard that wicked ship. Those men didn’t listen either, Chad, which is the reason I lived at the bottom of the ocean for so many years before this place, this desert, this town, this apartment…"

In the novel "The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives Inside Your Home" it is revealed that she was born on a boat in the Mediterranean sea in 1792. Her mother died during childbirth and her father raised her. Her father ran a goods smuggling operation with his friend Edmond. She had very few friends beside her good friend Albert. In 1813 her father is killed and her estate is destroyed by mercenaries hired by Edmond, she kisses Albert and runs away with Edmond.

The Faceless Old Woman is raised to be a thief by Edmond and she starts a gang of thieves with a group of friends. During this time she sets her sights on killing a noblewoman called Lady Nora. She succeeds in killing Lady Nora via public execution after accusing her of murder, at this point she is convinced by one of Edmond's employee's that she has gained the attention of a secret organization called "The Order Of The Labyrinth". She works under the false Order Of The Labyrinth for several years until she learns of Edmond's lies to her and he attempts to kill her, she is saved by a fellow pirate and nursed to health.

After being nursed back to health she decides to return home to meet with her childhood friend, Albert, again. When she meets with Albert they quickly develop a relationship and fall in love. For several years The Faceless Old Woman works on Albert's farm until she decides that she cannot put her desire for revenge aside and leaves him. She spends several years preparing a grand plan to kill Edmond in a Russian bar. When it's time to execute the plan it ends disastrously, Edmond escapes, several of her friends are murdered, and she is swept up in an explosion and drowns.

For unknown reasons The Faceless Old Woman continues to live after her death, because of how her corpse was eaten by fish and spread across the ocean she gains the ability to be in many places at once. When she is "resurrected" she washes up in the American state of Florida, just in time for the arrival of Edmond and his son for a wedding. She struggles to exist in her new body, but is driven by a desire for revenge. Eventually Edmond arrives and after several days peacefully dies from a heart attack in his bed. The Faceless Old Woman is distraught. Edmond's son is eventually poisoned by his wife after she is impregnated and months later she gives birth.

Tje Faceless Old Woman watches as generations of Edmond's children are born and die. She interferes in their lives, making sure every man lives comfortably and happily until he has a son, then murders them in brutal and painful ways. During the life of one son, Moses, she attempts to fix America by harassing and killing corrupt officials but fails. She develops a spiritual path leading her to every one of Edmond's descendants. Eventually her path leads her to Night Vale, she ends the book by killing the other main character, Craig, and speaking to his son.




The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home[]

Homes in which she secretly lives[]

During her opening statement for the mayoral debate, the Faceless Old Woman described herself as "liv[ing] secretly in the home of every single resident" of Night Vale. Later on, she implied that she even lives secretly in Hiram McDaniels' cave.[4]

Cecil once introduced the Faceless Old Woman as "someone I've known my whole life, and you have too."[4] In a tape recording he made at age fifteen, Cecil mentioned interacting with the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lived in his family's home.[5]

When she introduced herself to Kevin, she had to correct herself: "Well, most homes." She does not live in his home (presumably in Desert Bluffs) and couldn't remember ever seeing him before.[4]

Name[]

Once, when Cecil called her "Faceless Old Woman," she told him, to his astonishment, that she had a name. He apparently found it kind of awkward to ask.[4] Later, she gave her name as simply the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home.[6] She has no birth certificate.[7]

Personality and relationships[]

Cecil describes the Faceless Old Woman as "probably harmless," adding, "But maybe you shouldn't sleep in your home anymore, just in case."[2]

She has a vengeful relationship with her former uncle Edmond and all of his male descendants after Edmond manipulated her for her entire life. She gives all of Edmond's male descendants amazing lives and terrible painful deaths.

She describes herself as motivated by "curiosity and concern."[4] Most of her interactions with Night Vale citizens seem well-meaning, if creepy. She advises you to change your sheets more often,[2] to relax and stop worrying,[3] and, if your name is Mike Nominen, to discipline your children more.[4] She cleans, reorganizes, and even installs a faster browser for you.[2] Even Hiram McDaniels, who grew up outside of Night Vale, calls her "vaguely familiar and unsettlingly comfortable."[4]

After accidentally provoking the Vague, Yet Menacing, Government Agency to almost kill you, the Faceless Old Woman issues a public apology.[2] When dangerous condos arrive in Night Vale, she warns Cecil to beware them. However, after Cecil leaves to deal with the condo situation, she refrains from telling his radio audience what's happening to him, because, in her own words, she is "slightly malicious."[3]

She often takes sharp likes and dislikes to things. She is easily upset by disorder, in particular the lack of organization in your fridge. She likes orderly things, such as old food stains with a distinct topography.[2] She dislikes Hiram McDaniels' cave[4] and the deep rumbling sound in the desert.[8] She likes some of the bugs in your home, but not others.[2] She feels strongly that Cecil's dining room table looks better now she's made it half a foot shorter.[3] If your name is Felicia Jackson, she wants you to change clothes slowly.[4]

Despite the tensions of the mayoral race, the Faceless Old Woman is on civil terms with her opponent, Hiram McDaniels. During the debate, they both described each other as beautiful because they both do beautiful things.[4] After Hiram was sentenced to death, she was involved in his plan to escape the prison [9].

She once said, "Nothing ever really happens to me. I am completely safe from harm, and this is a great burden."[3]

She claims to understand every language, although not the one Chad intones in his living room whilst summoning something unknown.[6]

Physical form[]

Faceless Old Woman.jpg

The Faceless Old Woman was born several hundred years ago. [4]She speculates that she may someday outlive the world itself and become "the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives Nowhere."[3] She describes time as "weird, because it doesn't exist for [her] in the same way."[2]

Most of the time, she goes almost totally unseen. When she visited Cecil at the radio station, he described her as "a fleeting image of someone just over my shoulder, [a] flicker of movement from the corner of my eye."[3] When she came to his studio for the mayoral debate, Cecil remarked, "I can hear you, but I can't see you."[4] "I wish you could see me," she complained once on the air. "If you would just glance left or right every so often, you'd see me."[2]


She is apparently capable of being in more than one place at once, due to her corpse being eaten by fish and small water bugs after her death. While giving her closing statement at the mayoral debate at the radio station, she also claims to be "actually in your home at this very moment."[4]

She has been known to leave "long silver hairs on the pillow next to you."[2]

She has the ability to skitter silently across your ceiling.[3]

She possesses "thin, gnarled fingers" and "bony, skin-taut arms that have a surprising animal strength."[6]

Facelessness[]

The Faceless Old Woman is generally acknowledged to have no face. Cecil admits he doesn't understand how someone without a mouth can speak as clearly as she does, or how someone without eyes can read.[2]

The Faceless Old Woman had a face when she was alive. She also claims that she can see her own face.

When she met Kevin, he claimed, to her shock, that he could see her face. He called it "a beautiful face, a memorable face!" He described her as having deep hazel eyes, "proud lips," and an archaic jaw. "It's unlike any face in history," he said. Later, she stated that even she had never seen it before.[4] She later reaffirmed that she has no face.[6]

Mayoral candidacy[]

The Faceless Old Woman first announced her candidacy for mayor of Night Vale on Night Vale Community Radio. She said she had some good ideas to help the town, including a way of increasing school funding while still lowering taxes.[2]

Later, she released a statement that was mostly about how she had replaced all the books in your home with other books, the covers remaining the same but the content being altered -- changing every single word of some of the books, in others only a single comma on a single page. She doesn't think you read enough, but that's not why she did it. She also criticized her opponent, Hiram McDaniels, claiming he had been exchanging emails with corn lobbyists wanting to elbow in on the Night Vale imaginary corn market.[10]

As part of her campaign, she left leaflets inside the wiring and pipes of your appliances, to be found when the sparking and shaking becomes too much and you must a hire or capture a repair person. These leaflets are described as being "tastefully designed." They contain an anatomically detailed drawing of a sparrow's heart and the slogan "You are fragile, and blind, and wanting, and stepping alone into the great darkness of the future," as well as the Faceless Old Woman's five-point policy platform, which is mostly interesting facts she has learned about bees.[11]

During the mayoral debate, she faced off against Hiram McDaniels and Marcus Vanston. She proposed "selling off unused items from our homes to raise money for our schools." She also said, "Children are our future. They are a terrible and less enjoyable future than the future we all represented, but they are a future nonetheless."[4]

After Dana Cardinal was announced as the new mayor, the Faceless Old Woman and Hiram agreed to contest the results.[12] The two of them declared the election botched, and they filed for a recount by shouting their complaints into the side of a canyon wall they thought might be Hidden Gorge. They both also worked together in attempt to assassinate Dana Cardinal, but ultimately failed. [13] Later, the Faceless Old Woman said she considered herself "presumptive mayor" of Night Vale.[6]. In the episode "Faceless Old Woman," she is upset by the Sheriff's Secret Police's arresting of several old woman with no faces. She is now a fugitive for several attempts to murder Mayor Cardinal (including one in which her co-conspirator was arrested) and disrupt the town by releasing the Antiques.

External links[]

References[]

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