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Episode No. Stay tuned next for...
4 ...Morse Code for Trumpet Quintets.
6 ...Zydeco note by note, a special two hour verbal description of what Zydeco music sounds like.
8 ...a special live broadcast of the Night Vale Symphony Orchestra performing Eugene O'Neill's classic play, The Iceman Cometh.
9 ...an hour of dead air with the occasional hiss and crackle.
10 ...the popular advice program, Doctor Brandon. This week, Dr. Brandon offers a step-by-step on how to remove your own appendix without surgery.
11 ...a live broadcast of a man locked in a recording booth staring at a microphone with intense suspicion.
12 ..car Alarms and Their Variations.
14 ...two commercial-free hours of E-sharp.
16 ...a community-wide frisson of cosmic fright.
17 ...Me saying "Goodnight, Night Vale, Goodnight."
18 ...an exact word for word repeat of this broadcast that will seem to you imperceptibly but unshakably different, but you will never be able to explain why.
20 ...the sound of some helpless thing being eaten.
21 ...well, let's just find out together, shall we?
22 ...the sound of a rapidly beating heart.
23 ...more voices, more reassuring noise, in this quiet world.
24 ...the popular radio game show "Wait, Wait, Don't, No, Don't, Please, Don't!"
26 ...our newest hit program, Open-Mouthed Chewing! Tonight's topic: Glass shards, how to make the most of a bad situation.
27 ...Efficiency Hour with our own productivity expert, a reversed voice underscored by hypnotic pulses.
28 ...our countdown of last words, from "Stop telling me how to drive." all the way to "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay."
29 ...a swarm of flies circling a hot mic.
30 ...loud shortwave radio squelches, followed by a lifetime of tinnitus.
31 ...the background hum of the universe, amplified and with live color commentary.
32 ...the sound of slow, steady dripping, and occasional screams.
33 ...whatever happens next in your life.
34 ...a predetermined series of unchangeable events which will shape the rest of your scripted life.
35 ...a keening howl, a scratch at the door, a hood falling suddenly over your face, and a delicious roasted squash recipe your family will just love!
36 ...silence, self-reflection, and a long pause to hear yourself think.
37 ...our popular home medical program: "Yes, That's Probably Cancer."
38 ...an hour that will feel like minutes but will, in actuality, take weeks.
40 ...live coverage of college basketball.
41 ...the noises of my hurried retreat, echoing first as sound, and then as memory. And maybe, then again, as part of tonight’s fractured dreaming.
42 ...limitless silence and doubt.
43 ...the sound of your own thoughts, broadcast live on the radio for all to hear.
44 ...a lifetime of self-questioning, followed by conflicting answers from a unreliable source.
46 ...the gentle sounds of forgiveness and a lilting melody of wounds healing.
47 ...bountiful blessings from a Smiling God!
48 ...that nagging feeling that you left the coffee pot on.
49B ...more of us and more of me, until that inevitable distant point where I and this and everything must end.
50 ...a reality that cannot possibly match expectations.
51 ...the sound of future becoming the present, becoming the past, in no time at all.
52 ...a world so possible that its very possibility feels constricting.
54 ...people arguing about sports.
56 ...a radio programme that can only be heard by dogs.
57 ...a surprised man shuffling papers frantically and saying, "Uh, uh, uh" into a mic he did not expect to be on.
58 ...the sound of something clawing its way out of your chest.
60 ...time moving faster, faster than it seems, faster and faster, until it disintegrates into stardust.
61 ...all the air being sucked out of the room you’re in, we’re sorry, we’re so sorry, but this is the only way.
62 ...something clawing at your window, It will also be sniffing. Sniffing and clawing at your window. Occasionally, it will wail. Occasionally, you will hear nothing. So, to recap: sniffing and clawing at you window over and over, with the occasional piercing wail, and then long silences. All that, next.
63 ...part 3 and Part 4 and many more parts, each succeeding moments after the one before, and some you will hear and some you will not. And none of them will be true, exactly, but all of them will be an honest attempt at the most accurate fiction possible.
64 ...the quiz show "Ask Me Another But I’ll Never Talk, You Fiend, I’ll Never Talk". It’s our most popular new program.
66 …oh, I don’t know! Anyway, time for a vacation!
67 ...less of the best and more of the same. It’s been a pleasure to fill in this week, in my old job, Night Vale. Cecil will be back soon.
68 ...the sound of folding cardboard and long strips of tape.
69 ...me reporting on the opening of the Opera House, and then not reporting on anything else here, ever again.
70B ...happenstance reconstructed into narrative, and falsely interpreted as having significance.
71 ...more stories being told to you all of the time – whether you are aware of them or not.
72 ...less of what you once were but more of what you think you are.
73 ...a feeling in your chest that will never quite sit right with you again.
74 ...a review of the popular new film, “Unedited CCTV Footage: Citgo #4172, Left Rear Cam.”
75 ...a different you, and a different you, and a different you again, each “you” denying their multiple nature.
76 [Does not begin with "Stay tuned next"]
Stay tuned in just a few days, or depending on where you are in time, whenever you decide to get around to it, a 401 page factual report about the events that lead to this epilogue, available in hardcover, e-book or audio book from your favorite factual report retailer.
77 ...the sound of human breathing. Which is probably just your own breathing. Probably.
78 ...a nearly exact repeat of this same show, but with the addition of one extra word, which changes the meaning of everything.
79 ...events that will or will not happen in the order that they may or may not occur.
80 ...the real life actualization of that dream you had last Tuesday. You'll make a cute couple, so congratulations!
81 ...an unexpected gain in cabin pressure. No mask will help you. We weren’t prepared for things to go this way.
82 ...the best hits of the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, 2010s, 2020s, and beyond.
83 ...tomorrow’s winning lottery numbers, broadcast to everyone simultaneously, and so reducing each jackpot share to a small but fair amount.
84 ...something lurking just outside your window. Don’t worry, it’s not a human.
86 ...words, ordered intentionally and confidently, saying something, understanding nothing.
87 ...the awful void of your own doubts and feelings.
90 ...a deep sigh. Deep. Deep! No no no, deeper than that.
91 ...the sound of a beating heart, a muffled sob, a nearby whisper while you are supposedly alone in the dark, and all of your other favorite jams of the 1980s and '90s.
92 ...a hypothetical history that we are all making up together, continuously, just by living it.
93 ...the sound of distant drums and cannons.
95 ...the sound of scrubbing, followed by the sound of gagging. Followed by the sound of liquid dribbling into a metal pan.
96 ...a pilot turning to her co-pilot and saying, “Let’s see what this baby can do.”
97 ...the sound of a balloon popping. Stay tuned. It will happen. Eventually. Aaany minute now. Stay tuned!
98 ...for...I don’t know. I don’t care.
99 ...the slow, low sounds of enormous plates shifting deep below us.
100 ...a drunk, newly married couple, long after the well-wishers have left, piling up bags of garbage and stacking chairs in a rented banquet hall, because they want to get their deposit back.
101 ...a 12-hour binaural meditation track of a rain stick being used to tenderize meat.
105 ...a look back at your life, featuring the most embarrassing moments and biggest failures, hosted by your own brain. If you miss this showing, don’t worry! It plays on a nightly repeat.
107 ...one of our most popular shows, Janelle Duarte’s advice show, “Hey Janelle, What Did I Personally Do to Contribute to Huntokar’s Anger Against us?”
107.5 ...that uncertain moment of silence between the last word spoken and the first applause.
108 ...huh? Whatever was on the schedule for this month has all been scribbled out with charcoal. And with the same charcoal, someone has scrawled “A story about Huntokar” across the entire broadcast calendar. So stay tuned for that, I guess.
110 ...everything. And nothing.
110.5 ..eye contact and breathing. In unison.
112 ...a mysterious distress signal that requires urgent action, but is impossible to locate.
113 ...the sounds of a door opening, a rush of oxygen-rich air, and a wheezing celebration of an overworked respiratory system. Aany second now. Aaaany second. Aaaaaanyyyy secondd.
115 ...the sound of two men cuddled up in bed watching the new season of Insecure.
116 ..the sound of two men putting on just the most vicious outfits.
117 ...the sounds of chewing amplified to the threshold of pain.
118 ...Adolescent X-team Karate Bedbugs, the show your grandma thinks you like, because she never understood you.
119 ...our exciting new game show, “What’s in the box? No, what’s in the f[bleep]ing box?”
121 ...just – stay tuned. Next.
122 ...decision to be made.
124 ...the sound of someone distracting you while you’re driving, and then yelling that you missed the turn.
125 ...a Cecil-shaped mannequin made up of burlap, twine, and dried lentils reading you the latest on traffic and the community calendar.
126 ...bubble wrap being popped by rolling pins meant to simulate the explosion of fireworks.
127 ...Bubblegum Hour, the hour devoted for reviewing the chewing sounds of popular varieties of bubblegum, hosted by today’s celebrity chewer, Mr. Tom Hanks.
132 ...temporary oblivion, followed by a forgetful waking consciousness.
134 ...Gentle Takes, our political roundtable where the hosts listen to each other talk about their days while they knit and say, “Thanks for sharing that with me.”
138 ...the original 1972 folk-rock ad jingle for the Simon Memory game entitled "Never Forget To Remember, And Remember To Forget To Forget"
139 ...this one weird click that your elbow makes if you turn it just so. Did you hear that, that click? What do you think that is? Better search online and read the most frightening answers and sit in your bed for long waking hours of dark, moving your elbow and listening. Click, click, click.
141 ...the cla-cla-clack of CD cases being browsed, like a fluttery little heartbeat in the darkness.
143 ...whatever you think you hear.
144 ...the sound of an alarm click that cannot be turned off and a dream that cannot be awoken from.
145 ...simultaneous panic and relief, as you realize all of your emails are gone.
147 ... “Conspiring to Love”, our new relationship advice show, which as a lifelong bachelor sounds like something I should check out.
148 ...for grackles hatching from long dormant eggs, and anything else I wish to describe, real or not. For you do not hear me anyway.
149 ...the unceremonious continuation of all that is real.
150 ...exactly what was scheduled to run next, at the exact time it was scheduled to do so. And from my mouth to your ears, even after all these years
151 [Does not begin with "Stay tuned next"]
Stay tuned, listeners. No one knows what the future holds. Sometimes all you can do is stay tuned.
152 ...a slow drifting toward what we’ve always wanted, interrupted by the constant distraction of what seems easiest, and from one discipline of the [booming sound] to another:
153 ...an unedited recording from two years ago of you talking to a kitten. You sound ridiculous.
154 ...a song and language you have never heard, written in a key not on any scale, played in a time signature that changes with each measure.
155 ...someone playing on a saw. Wait no, ahem, misread that. With a saw. It’s just someone playing around with a saw. Enjoy.
159 ...a noise you cannot hear, rallying a feral insurrection.
162 ...our new investment advice show “Billionaire Roulette”.
163 ...a series of audio clicks which is definitely not federal agents tapping your radio. Don't worry about it.
165 ...a meditative ohm. A single ohm. For one full hour uninterrupted by breath and commercial free.
166 ...the sound of me talking to Carlos for ever and ever.
167 ...a silence that is all your own.
168 [Does not begin with "Stay tuned next"]
As Secret Police mascot Barks Ennui always says: Stay tuned, stay vigilant, report your neighbors. Woof. Woof.
169 ...our new game show Name All The Nouns.
170 ...a tall glass of water greedily drunk by a person who did not realize they were thirsty until the liquid hit their lips.
171 ...a sound of a muffled "crack" presented without context or commercial interruption. Could that be an egg? Or a twig? Or a leg? Narrative is everything, isn't it?
172 ...our newest game show Nothing Will Ever Be The Same.
173 ...the second ever Night Vale Players Playhouse production, now that they’ve finally finished this one. They’re going to do Godspell.
174 ...an angry buzzing from inside your cutlery drawer, but you’ll be too afraid to open it and find out its source.
176 ...our new cooking competition show: “Flay Bobby Flay”.
178 ...the skittering of a hundred tiny legs weighted down by gleaming, grinning shells, approaching rapidly in the dark.
179 ...a man trying, mostly unsuccessfully, to explain how oceans formed using only what he vaguely remembers from high school.
180 ...a sudden loss of gravity. Maybe hold on to something.
181 ...our special radio drama broadcast of Journey to the Center of the Earth, presented on location by the Mole People Players.
182 ...subliminal advertising played as a dull hiss under pop music.
183 ...a mason jar dropped on a kitchen floor, a glass cough and a scattering.
184 ...coyotes. Just oodles of coyotes.
185 ...loud, slow footsteps in the other room, followed by petrified silence, because you’re the only one home.
186 ...our most popular program, the Incoherent Screaming Hour.
187 ...a creak, a sway, and a snap.
189 ...a repeat of the news and weather, in Tarantulish
192 ...my review of Lee Marvin’s tour-de-force performance as every single one of the von Trapp children in The Sound of Music, for which he also won the Academy Award for Best Musical Score.
193 ...Cat News, the news for Cats by Cats about Cats.
194 ...a deep low boom from somewhere far beyond the horizon.
197 ...well, I don’t know What Next. We never do.
198 ...the gravity of the moon.
199 ...the audio-only presentation of the 1925 silent movie Battleship Potemkin. Be sure to listen for the 6-minute visual montage sequence that made this film an enduring classic.
201 ...the sound of your own breathing.
202 ... an old episode of Frasier. It’s the one where Frasier finds the doorway to the Other Seattle in his bathroom mirror. May it bring you some comfort.
204 ... the sound of a single oboe played somewhere in the world at this very moment, its effect on your life yet to be determined.
205 ...a voice counting down slowly from 30 to 1. What will happen when it reaches 1? I have no idea. Ooh, so thrilling.
206 ...Salt Fat Acid Heat. Not on the radio. In your home, in that order. It’s gonna be a weird five minutes.
207 ...More Music Than You Can Shake a Stick At, our new show that encourages listeners to hopelessly shake sticks at songs.
208 ...your own birth. The simulation had to be reset. We apologize for the inconvenience.
209 ...the crooked path. Stay tuned next for the Whirligig Howlers and the Court Manglers and the Harbingers. Stay tuned next for the Narrow Place.
210 ...a woman’s voice listing a bunch of names for some reason and then saying a proverb.