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The Night Vale Scorpions is Night Vale High School's football team. Their main rivals are the Desert Bluffs Vultures.


The Night Vale Scorpions did very poorly before Michael Sandero's lightning strike, as he had cerebal palsy.[1] They had the worst season in their history, but Sandero's lightning strike turned their team around. The team faced off against their rivals, and won with Sandero's second head. The Desert Bluffs School District claimed that this qualified an extra player on the field. [2] The team also participated in the division title run, winning due to Sandero's second head.

The next year, the Scorpions played the first game of the season against the Pine Cliff Lizard Monitors. The team declined though, after Sandero had his original head removed.[3]

In 2018 Latrice Beaumont took over from Nazr al-Mujaheed as the coach and copmletely changed the team's strategy, with the new motto of the team being "we will win, all the time, right now.” The new strategy involved allowing the quarterback Junius Duncan to "throw that ball around [...] any direction he wants." As the main element of this new tactics was surprise, Beaumont decided that the Scorpions would play against all five of their rivals (i.e. Pine CliffRed MesaDesert Bluffs TooThe Whispering Forest, and Cactus Park teams) at the same time. After some initial problems, Night Vale won 52-45, earning the district title before the season started. [4]

Allegations of Cheating[]

The Desert Bluffs Vultures have repeatedly accused the Scorpions of cheating, and made complaints to the Regional Football and Traffic Code Authority.

They alleged that the Scorpions have been cheating by praying for divine intervention. The school board held a hearing, but it's unclear if they care at all, because it was a front, put up by the City Council, to trap Angels. Several Angels had agreed to testify, but were captured. However, they escaped in a blaze of heavenly light. A decision is yet to be made on whether appealing to Angels is tampering.

The Desert Bluffs Vultures also claimed that Michael Sandero's second head qualified as an additional player, and this was under investigation. [2] However, Michael had his original head removed due to pressure from his mother.[5]



  1. 1.0 1.1 Episode 4 "PTA Meeting"
  2. 2.0 2.1 2.2 Episode 8 "The Lights in Radon Canyon"
  3. 3.0 3.1 Episode 32 "Yellow Helicopters"
  4. 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 4.5 Episode 134 "Fall Football Preview"
  5. 5.0 5.1 Episode 30 "Dana"
  6. Episode 5 "The Shape In Grove Park"
  7. Episode 153 "The Heist, Part 1"