The Financial News is a recurring segment on Cecil Palmer's show on Night Vale Community Radio. It also airs on Kevin's show.


Episode Financial news
19B The markets are jumping today, really jumping.
29 You will turn yourself inside out. Your sadness will know no bounds. Ladybugs will flee you, wolves run wild in you. You will hear the wind chimes like shattering. The sun will drip ichor. Whatever peace you find will be taken from you. Nothing will be the same. Nothing has ever been the same. “Past performance does not guarantee future results,” you will whisper to the rising moon, as you hear several foxes fleeing your vicinity.
48 The markets were fantastic until Lauren liquidated her domestic stock. Now they are terrible and there might have to be layoffs, or…disappearances.

Two thousand, nine hundred twenty one is a number, which is up from many other numbers.

The following words: prime, debt, capital, offering, and portfolio. Write those down and learn what they mean. Do not remember anything that you learn, but seek the memory of what you learned in dreams.

Here's another number: 9.8 billion. That's a very large number, one of the largest numbers. Loosen your jaw and breath in slowly through your nose when you hear a number like that. Nine. Point. Eight. Billion.

169 Everything’s fine. Just dandy. Thank you for asking.
182 Everything can be monetized. All of it is capital. All of it is fluctuating.
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