Ehh, its not for everyone. deffintly m+ rating tho for some of it.
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-/Spring Once Again/-
Its springtime, and allergies cases are rising along with the temperature.
Welcome to Night Vale!
Bunnies, eggs, and John, you know, the farmer; are all getting ready for the annual Springtime festival, held every year (usually) in Night Vale. As you all know, time does not work properly in Night Vale, so this year's festival will be held last year, when it was held 10 years ago. Enjoy the youth, and the agonizing pain of eternal life. John-you know, the farmer?-will be selling his best crop of invisible corn yet. Toppings include theoretical salt, could-have-been butter, imaginary sugar, and the favorite of all children and monsters, Flaky-Os, who coincidentally are the sponsors of today's broadcast. I, personally, LOOOVVEE Flaky-Os. I eat them with everything, and they are just so darn healthy. If you ignore the ingredients list. And the calories. And the sugar content. But I mean really, who doesn't love Flaky-Os? They are so crunchy and-
I'm getting told by my manager to continue with today's events.
On with the news.
The carnival is currently getting set up in preparation for tonight's summoning of the Easter Bunny, who bestows good little children with Choco-Taco brand chocolate eggs, and punishes bad children by killing their parents and forcing them to work in Tamika Flynn's teen militia. For free. So stay home bad children, and arm yourself with incendiaries and preferably a Tommy gun.
I have been told by station management that the summoning ceremony is NOT optional, and everyone must attend.
Good luck kiddos!
After the midnight summoning, the town shall celebrate the arrival of the bunny by placing various vegetables(and sometimes bombs disguised as vegetables) at the feet of the mighty bunny, who stands at just barely 30 ft tall, while praying for their life.
Legend has it that if one manages to slay the mighty bunny, and chop off its right foot, soak it in gasoline, wash it, and then add a huge metal cap on the stump of the foot, it will bring the town great and vast luck.
It is also said that if that town were to fail to slay the bunny, it would kill every inhabitant, even if they move far, far away.
No one has tried. And lived, I should mention.
I am being told by station management that the failure to show up and be a part of the summoning ceremony will result in a slow and painful death, courtesy of the Sheriff's secret police. Regardless of the time glitch. Please show up.
Time for the traffic report.
Highway 12 has ceased to exist, causing all vehicles present on the road at that time to fall through a nothingness below. In other news, several dozen cars have been spotted falling out of the sky, crashing into a River-Bank below. The fish inhabitants have demanded that the town of Night Vale pay for the damage caused to their bank. We shall give an update when there is more on the story.
Highway 7, you know, the one leading out of town, has reverted back to its original packed dirt road. The cars on the highway have been turned into wagons drawn by horses.
Come on down to Highway 7 to see the new history attraction. Tickets start at $20, and are not refundable. All revenues made will go to restoring the road back into a real road, instead of packed dirt.
(Play Swan Lake by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky)
Hopefully it put Station Management to sleep... So scary, that one...
And now, we shall report live from the place where the Summoning will take place. As you all can hear-and see since you're here, right?-, everyone has joined together in a large circle holding hands, wearing dark red robes. In the middle of the circle, there on the sacrificial stone, are I think thirty carrots, all golden, the fifteen of the greenest pieces of celery, all freshly harvested today, and one single golden iguana egg, which is illegal in all other states.
Tamika Flynn and her team of teen fighters are manning the Ballistas above, loading them with sharpened tree logs with dynamite duck-taped to them.
OOH! And it's beginning!
As the town starts chanting in some forgotten and forbidden language, which I personally think sounds like a recipe for onion soup, two massive ears rise from a portal which appeared from thin air. More and more of the mighty bunny starts to appear, and as the last bits of the fluff from its tail leaves the portal, the portal winks out of sight.
I don't know if you can hear these listeners, but even the landing of the massive bunny has broken glass windows in downtown Night Vale, which is really bad for the Glass art museum, and the cryogenics lab.
The bunny sniffs, and with one foot, it stomps on the edge of the Sacrificial Stone, flipping all of the vegetables high into the air. As the bunny opens its mouth, everyone could see the massive teeth, which are somehow already stained in blood. Or tomato sauce. Although to be honest, if the last town served tomato sauce, its probably both sauce AND blood.
Seemingly satisfied with its meal, the Bunny turns to the first person in the broken circle. Already from here I can see Tamika Flynn aiming her Ballista at the back of its massive head. Precautions must be taken.
Deeming the first person in line to be worthy, a small bunny hops out of a patch of fluff near the foot. Hopping towards the person, the bunny has a small box on the top of its head, in which contains what I believe is a chocolate egg.
Oh boy, we have got our first casualty. Peter Jones, Anesthesiologist, has apparently been taking our money and valuables, but then using his medicine to make us forget.
(I always wondered where that twenty bucks I had in my wallet went)
People are already heading towards the after-summoning tent, where many vegetarian and vegan foods are being served. Attendance is required, and you must eat. No one wants to offend the Bunny.
Oh boy, its my turn. Listeners, I shall let you know what happened.
Okay I'm back. I......
Got a chocolate egg.
Better then death by being smashed flat.
Uhh, I'm heading over to the after-summoning now, and grabbing the smallest plate I can find. So a tea plate should do. Out of all the choices of food, I think the Green Bean Casserole is a safe bet. It was last year, but last year was also ten years ago.
Its still so good!
I should let you
(more munching noises)
go for now
Good night Night Vale
(oh man this is so delicious)
(I just can't get enough)
Tamika fan art
The one who looks.
Because I don't know about you but the weather for a story about you was THE BOMB!
We are using lines and veils, veils: human hugging and kissing, extreme gore (guts, liver, etc.)
Veils means that it can happen but we will not be dwelling on or describing it
I am carlos
PS keep it pg13
4 Votes in Poll
First time on the wiki
4 Votes in Poll
I have some things i thought might not suck.
Origami is nice
I have gmail
Pls talk to me lol
And I love cats